What is Abuse?

The Support Network has identified six major areas of intimate partner abuse and characteristics that describe that abuse:

Verbal / Psychological:

 

insulting • blaming • criticizing • accusing • name calling • shaming • telling you that you deserve to be abused • humiliating you • questioning your sanity • intense jealousy • threatening to injure or kill you, your children, your friends, family members or family pets • threatening self-abuse or suicide • threatening to kidnap the children if you try to leave • not allowing you to make important decisions • isolating you from friends or family • not letting you use the phone or leave the house • not allowing you to work, to school or drive the car • threatening to have you deported • locking you out of the house • destroying property • breaking down a door to get to you • forcing your vehicle off the road • abandoning you in dangerous places • driving at unsafe speeds to intimidate you • causing you to feel as though you are going crazy

Economic:

 

refusing to work or to be responsible for any financial concerns • not allowing you to know about your joint financial status • hiding family assets • making you ask for spending money • not allowing you to have a checkbook • keeping you in poverty • not paying alimony or child support when able

 

Physical:

 

pushing • pinching • hitting • kicking • choking • biting • shaking • slapping • spitting on • pinning down • pulling hair • beating • bruising • breaking bones • using a knife, gun or other weapon against a partner • forcing one to do something against his/her will • holding captive • keeping one from getting medical care • preventing one from eating or sleeping

 

Spiritual:

 

ridiculing your beliefs • forbidding you to practice your faith or have your children attend religious services • not allowing you to celebrate religious holidays • not allowing the display of symbols of your faith within your home • forcing you to deny your religious beliefs or forcing you to practice his / hers

 

Sexual:

 

unwanted touching • rape (including marital rape) • incest • insisting that one or both partners have other sexual relationships • bringing other sex partners into the family home • following a beating with sex • insisting upon uncomfortable sex • using a weapon during sex • withholding sex • forcing sex • shaming one's partner by using such words as "slut", "whore", "frigid", "impotent", etc.

 

Homophobic:

 

threatening to "out" you to people who are not aware of your sexual orientation • related threats that may cause you to fear the loss of your children, family, job or social standing • threatening to reveal your HIV or AIDS status • causing you to become a target for anti-lesbian or gay violence or ostracism

 

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